The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment

If you are unfamiliar with the study mentioned in the title of this entry, basically it worked like this:

• a 4-year-old would be seated at a table and given a marshmallow and no other distractions
• the child was told that s/he could have 2 marshmallows when the adult returned if s/he did not eat that one
• researchers watched from behind a 1 way mirror and timed how long it was before kids broke down and ate their marshmallow
• some kids (about a third) ate it as soon as the adult left; other third were able to wait as long as 15 or twenty minutes- just staring down their marshmallow, waiting for the promised bonus marshmallow when the adult returned
• this was a longitudinal study; when the kids were examined in several 10 year follow ups, the kids who had the ability to delay their gratification as a kid had higher SAT scores, were described by their parents more often as "competent", and had more successful marriages and fulfilling careers while the kids who could not delay their gratification were not as successful in all measures of their lives

Larry and I have noticed that Abigail, while only 2 years old, is able to delay her gratification.  I am not sure why, but this is not something we taught her.  (I don't think you can teach this.)

For example, recently I stopped by Dunkin' Donuts while running some Saturday morning errands.  (I love the iced coffee, no sugar.)  I bought Abigail 1 doughnut Munchkin and she received it an a tiny brown bag.  When I bucked her into her car seat I did not take the bag from her but as we drove home, she opened the bag.  I said to her "Abigail, please wait and eat that doughnut at home."  She said okay.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw her sitting patiently, cupping her Munchkin in her hands, just looking at it and waiting.  She made it all the way home (about 8 - 10 minutes).

Another example is when she eats a candy or treat, she eats it very slowly.  She likes a certain coconut cookie.  When she gets one, she walks around holding it to her nose and sniffing it for ages before she will eat it.  She can make 1 cookie last an hour.  She can also suck on a tic tac until it just dissolves and disappears.  Her Aunt Steph and Uncle Jim gave her an Easter basket and she also can do the same thing to a jelly bean.  It took her an hour to eat 3 Jelly- Bellies today.

 

I don't know if this means that Abigail has the personality and demeanor to be a "work hard and achieve success" kind of person.  (It certainly runs in the family- all HWPK's reading, this if for you!) I don't know if all of this is technically delayed gratification (although I do think the doughnut thing was for sure).  She does continue to amaze us all the time and we love her and are so proud of her!

 

The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment

If you are unfamiliar with the study mentioned in the title of this entry, basically it worked like this:

• a 4-year-old would be seated at a table and given a marshmallow and no other distractions
• the child was told that s/he could have 2 marshmallows when the adult returned if s/he did not eat that one
• researchers watched from behind a 1 way mirror and timed how long it was before kids broke down and ate their marshmallow
• some kids (about a third) ate it as soon as the adult left; other third were able to wait as long as 15 or twenty minutes- just staring down their marshmallow, waiting for the promised bonus marshmallow when the adult returned
• this was a longitudinal study; when the kids were examined in several 10 year follow ups, the kids who had the ability to delay their gratification as a kid had higher SAT scores, were described by their parents more often as "competent", and had more successful marriages and fulfilling careers while the kids who could not delay their gratification were not as successful in all measures of their lives

Larry and I have noticed that Abigail, while only 2 years old, is able to delay her gratification.  I am not sure why, but this is not something we taught her.  (I don't think you can teach this.)

For example, recently I stopped by Dunkin' Donuts while running some Saturday morning errands.  (I love the iced coffee, no sugar.)  I bought Abigail 1 doughnut Munchkin and she received it an a tiny brown bag.  When I bucked her into her car seat I did not take the bag from her but as we drove home, she opened the bag.  I said to her "Abigail, please wait and eat that doughnut at home."  She said okay.  When I looked in the mirror, I saw her sitting patiently, cupping her Munchkin in her hands, just looking at it and waiting.  She made it all the way home (about 8 - 10 minutes).

Another example is when she eats a candy or treat, she eats it very slowly.  She likes a certain coconut cookie.  When she gets one, she walks around holding it to her nose and sniffing it for ages before she will eat it.  She can make 1 cookie last an hour.  She can also suck on a tic tac until it just dissolves and disappears.  Her Aunt Steph and Uncle Jim gave her an Easter basket and she also can do the same thing to a jelly bean.  It took her an hour to eat 3 Jelly- Bellies today.

 

I don't know if this means that Abigail has the personality and demeanor to be a "work hard and achieve success" kind of person.  (It certainly runs in the family- all HWPK's reading, this if for you!) I don't know if all of this is technically delayed gratification (although I do think the doughnut thing was for sure).  She does continue to amaze us all the time and we love her and are so proud of her!

 

Sunday Snapshot, with stories

This weekend Lar, Abigail and I were visiting my brother Jim and his awesome wife Steph at their home in Virginia while we took care of some rather exciting business.


My parents were also there to babysit Abigail while Lar and I were getting some professional things done.  My dad loved "taking my wife and granddaughter out to breakfast" he boasted all day long.  His favorite part was when the waitress cleared my dad's finished plate, Abigail gave her the stink eye, wrapped her arms around her plate and pulled it away from the waitress's reach.  That is the orphan coming out in her I guess.

This is Abigail being dragged around the house on
a beanbag.  Steph was dragging her.

Abigail then spent most of the weekend getting loved on by her grandmother and her Aunt Steph.  (Lar and I were delighted to essentially have a weekend off, which is rare since we live 500 miles from loving relatives who could care of Abigail so we could have adult conversation and catch up on sleep.  It was quite a treat for us.  A vacation, really!)

I love her dimples when she is trying not to smile.
She is so gorgeous.  

Abigail weighs about as much as a typical American kid half of her age, but she is tall and lanky.  Since she is so light, we hadn't turned her car seat around yet, but she spent the 8 hour drive up to NoVA with her knees up to her chin and was clearly uncomfortable.  So for the drive home, we graduated her to a forward-facing car seat.  She LOVED it.  She spent the first hour just looking out the front window and pointing out stuff she saw.  

The big smile on the proud girl finally came out!

Sunday Snapshot, with stories

This weekend Lar, Abigail and I were visiting my brother Jim and his awesome wife Steph at their home in Virginia while we took care of some rather exciting business.


My parents were also there to babysit Abigail while Lar and I were getting some professional things done.  My dad loved "taking my wife and granddaughter out to breakfast" he boasted all day long.  His favorite part was when the waitress cleared my dad's finished plate, Abigail gave her the stink eye, wrapped her arms around her plate and pulled it away from the waitress's reach.  That is the orphan coming out in her I guess.

This is Abigail being dragged around the house on
a beanbag.  Steph was dragging her.

Abigail then spent most of the weekend getting loved on by her grandmother and her Aunt Steph.  (Lar and I were delighted to essentially have a weekend off, which is rare since we live 500 miles from loving relatives who could care of Abigail so we could have adult conversation and catch up on sleep.  It was quite a treat for us.  A vacation, really!)

I love her dimples when she is trying not to smile.
She is so gorgeous.  

Abigail weighs about as much as a typical American kid half of her age, but she is tall and lanky.  Since she is so light, we hadn't turned her car seat around yet, but she spent the 8 hour drive up to NoVA with her knees up to her chin and was clearly uncomfortable.  So for the drive home, we graduated her to a forward-facing car seat.  She LOVED it.  She spent the first hour just looking out the front window and pointing out stuff she saw.  

The big smile on the proud girl finally came out!

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans

I always thought of this quote in the context of someone who kept planning for a future that may never come instead of living their life in the present.  I usually feel balanced between being a planner and holding Abigail tight, reading an extra story, pushing her in the swing another 5 minutes.  But lately, Larry and I have been making plans.  Big plans.  What kind of plans, doesn't matter.  But this quote is in my head because, while I am living the little moments, I am not preserving them for later.


Probably 25 times every hour, Abigail does something new or says something new that leaves Larry and me in complete awe of her.  And I think, "I need to write that down".  Then, before I can process it or enjoy it or take it in for a whole second, she does something else new or says something absolutely hilarious.  At the end of the day, we put her to bed, collapse in a chair and either read for a few minutes, watch a 22 minute TV show, or talk and make plans over a glass of wine. 


The day happens so fast, every moment with Abigail is so fleeting, the mama is so tired at the end of the day, these moments are not getting recorded, preserved for her when she has her own 2 year old to marvel. 


Even right now, as I sit here with a few spare minutes, I can't think of a thing to tell you about how much she is learning and doing each day.  I can only say in general "she is amazing and she learns so fast", but the specifics escape me.


I need to be better about this.


*******************


Okay, Larry just reminded me of one really cute exchange.


Setting:  Early morning, after less than 6 hours of sleep for everyone
Me:  Abigail, how are you not tired?  You need sleep to run all day.
Abigail:  No Mama.  I run on happy.


*******************
At least I take a lot of pictures!

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans

I always thought of this quote in the context of someone who kept planning for a future that may never come instead of living their life in the present.  I usually feel balanced between being a planner and holding Abigail tight, reading an extra story, pushing her in the swing another 5 minutes.  But lately, Larry and I have been making plans.  Big plans.  What kind of plans, doesn't matter.  But this quote is in my head because, while I am living the little moments, I am not preserving them for later.


Probably 25 times every hour, Abigail does something new or says something new that leaves Larry and me in complete awe of her.  And I think, "I need to write that down".  Then, before I can process it or enjoy it or take it in for a whole second, she does something else new or says something absolutely hilarious.  At the end of the day, we put her to bed, collapse in a chair and either read for a few minutes, watch a 22 minute TV show, or talk and make plans over a glass of wine. 


The day happens so fast, every moment with Abigail is so fleeting, the mama is so tired at the end of the day, these moments are not getting recorded, preserved for her when she has her own 2 year old to marvel. 


Even right now, as I sit here with a few spare minutes, I can't think of a thing to tell you about how much she is learning and doing each day.  I can only say in general "she is amazing and she learns so fast", but the specifics escape me.


I need to be better about this.


*******************


Okay, Larry just reminded me of one really cute exchange.


Setting:  Early morning, after less than 6 hours of sleep for everyone
Me:  Abigail, how are you not tired?  You need sleep to run all day.
Abigail:  No Mama.  I run on happy.


*******************
At least I take a lot of pictures!

1...2...3...4...5.......19

Being mathematicians and teachers, Larry and I feel strongly that education is important.  We also think that it is important to study a subject you enjoy, yet also makes you employable. 

The picture is not about this entry.
It is Abigail jumping up and landing on her butt.

Abigail has a definite creative side.  She makes up games, is great at imaginary play, tells stories, creates "art" with great flourish and likes making things with her hands.  She certainly has picked up other concepts quickly too, such as identifying letters, colors, and shapes.  Abigail likes to be read to and also to "read" to herself.  

But we have been holding our breath because she hadn't shown any interest or ability in counting.  I could put before her 2 cookies and 3 cookies and ask "Abigail, do you want 1,2 cookies or do you want 1,2,3 cookies?"  And she would say "TWO" while taking the pile of 3 and count them 1, 2, 1.

For months, she counted 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2...  My dad tried to assure me that this just meant she understood binary and would be a good computer scientist.  But then I discovered that when counting things with her, if I provided the 3, she got past it and could count all the way up to 12 or 13.  

She had a 3 block!

So Larry and I worked with her diligently to get past her 3 block.  Everything that could be counted was counted.  She could analyze two piles of things and determine which had more, but she couldn't quantify it if it went beyond 3.  

But finally, this week Abigail began counting past her 3 block without help.  She even showed us that she can count to 19!

Suffice it to say, Larry and I are immensely relieved that Abigail has shown an interest in numbers and how they represent quantities of "stuff".  

(All jest aside, though, we do worry for her.  She is smart.  But she is also hard working.  She is a Chinese kid with 2 mathematical parents.  If she ends up being very talented in math, no one will give her credit for her hard work; they will just assume her success is due to her genetics or her environment.  If she is not good at math, people might say "What is wrong with you?  You are Chinese and can't do math?  Your parents are math teachers and you can't do math?"  I know that she is going to be judged by people based on how she looks.  We all are judged and, if we are being honest, we all judge others based on superficial things.  I just wish I could protect Abigail from that.  But for now, I can work with her and teach her and show her how to be proud of herself.  Just like I am so proud of her for getting past her 3 block and counting to 19!)